Strange occurances are reported to have uh ... well occured. Ainz reports.
Time Warped presents Wrought Iron an explosive night of rock & metal.
Or that’s what the flyer said. Not what we experienced. More of an explosive night of expensive boozing and a thieving bald guy named Fred.
Not to blame the venue (except the stairs - for bruised, swollen, and crushed knees). It was well set out. Had a decent, but fucking loud, sound rig, but very few people. And even fewer Wookies.
We arrived a bit late, a bit intoxicated and prepared. Made our way into the dark venue, and looked around:
1. Dangling blue blanket.
2. Small collection of leather mannequins on the dance floor.
3. Middle aged guy in tight Heidi t-shirt.
5. Claustrophobic bar environment.
6. Man woman
7. God… is that you?
Made our way downstairs… to come across Fred, a bald Portuguese immigrant who claims to have discovered a small graceful hamster in his shoe. Apart from a small group clustering around the pool table and a guy passed out on a couch, it was a barren wasteland. Pity, the music was good.
The hamster seemed to have a certain amount of control over Fred. It would climb nimbly onto his shoulder and instruct him to perform bawdy acts, for example, he stole our beer, and killed a well known Indian car salesman.
Once we had brought this hamster to justice we made our way back to the bar, and then onto the upstairs dance floor. This was where we came across a rather old guy, wearing flannel. He seemed offended when we tried to seduce him into buying us drinks. We turned our attention to another kinda older guy, who we could not stop playing air guitar, until Fred ran in and broke his arm, under the influence of a fugitive fluffy hamster.
This led us downstairs to the DJ booth where, on a sudden instinct, we decided to interview the DJ.
We hung around for a while on the dance floor, extorting ourselves to Danzig, more dirty rock and other ‘happy-clap’ metal. But not Sisters of mercy, not even Temple of love – why? I was so in the mood for it.
Upstairs had started filling up by this time. There were three gotherion ‘amigos’ eyeing a red leather bound bouncing gothic beauty. Our shiny headed friend, the James Tolkan impersonator, Andy, was behind the DJ booth. The DJ could not get the knotted scarf out of his mouth. We had a good laugh. This was probably the point when the music was at its best. We attempted a mosh pit, but no one was obliging. We decided it was wasted energy, drugged Andy, dragged him to the pool table and made him believe it was his idea. The table was missing three balls, witch Andy’s head compensated for nicely.
It was about time to call it a night. My only advice to Time Warped is Marketing, and attraction. Listen to the Palestines boy’s. Make your parties a bit more than a normal night out. On the positive note, good choice of DJ’s and good music.
Tags . evol